Tag Archives: warfare

Farewell Old Posts

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I’ve made the choice to delete all my old post. Many got to know intimate details of my life but I had no identity. I started writing because I was hopeless and didn’t know any other way to cope. I have moved beyond and I’m back..

I’m still working on forgiveness. I know that everyone is born pure. I think ‘The Monster’ was attacked by evil spirits early in his life. I don’t know, maybe some people are magnets to that and have to fight hard to keep them away. He didn’t have a very christian upbringing leaving him vulnerable. How I can say his name and the word vulnerable in the same sentence is beyond me. This is the only way I know to move forward.

When I had broken bones or my children saw him hurting me is what I call vulnerable. A little child that knows nothing other than what they’re formed into is vulnerable. We survived and we are who we are today because of it. God never gives us more than we can handle. I’ve questioned this for so many years but kept faith that is was true.

I use to sit in my flower beds pulling weeds for hours back then. I was hopeless and mad at God. I thought he turned his back on me and the entire time I had turned my back on him. He is always here, he is the spirit inside us.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice

 

I’m Wearing The Armor Of God

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Since the Holy Spirit filled me I have experienced strong attacks from #13 & 15 daughters. The source is clear now. I know that girls wouldn’t intentionally attack me. Yesterday, I laid in the yard and I told God I completely surrender to him. I am going to live entirely on faith and whatever it is he wants me to do, I will do.

I was attacked by #13 with her verbal arrows of guilt and hostility. Something possessed me to hold my arms up in a circle with my fingertips touching to form a shield. I said “I’m wearing the armor of God and I deflect your arrows from the evil spirit”. I seriously have no idea where those words came from. It worked though, she left me alone and I didn’t lose my temper or fight back like the old Leslie would have.

I was really tired and ‘T and I went to our bedroom around 8:00. I knew #15 was wanting me to color her hair but she disappeared all day. I told ‘T she was going to show up wanting her hair done now that I’m going to bed. Sure enough she slithered in and sat at the foot of our bed. She had a snide look on her face and apparently had slept all day. First thing she said was “Why haven’t I colored her hair yet” without a pause or breath she continued her verbal attack. Once again I put up my shield and said the same words “I’m wearing the armor of God and I deflect your arrows from the evil spirit”She tried several times to penetrate me after but I held my shield tight. She finally walked out..

About 10 minutes later she comes back with a different demeanor but it was still in her. Normally, I would be mad and refuse to do it but when she asked again I calmly agreed. As I was getting everything ready I burned a piece of sage to hopefully cleanse the negative energy out. I put on music from church.

I’m finding myself in constant conversation with God. Everything is clear and I know that I will be alright as long as I trust God.

I started applying the color to her hair, it’s a deep red violet color. She started casting out her evil arrows. I stopped and opened the bathroom door because I was getting physically agitated. I couldn’t be pinned in there with it. I stated that she needed to not speak to me. A few minutes passed and I told her that in the nicest way that you have to think about the way your treat the people who you’re seeking customer service from, you don’t want your food spit in.

This is when the attack started to become very real.. I started to get this crushing pain when I lifted my arms to touch her head. The pain was like a wave as it faded when I bent over taking my hands off of her. It’s hard to explain, not muscles and not like stabbing pain. It was a curling uncomfortable feeling. T asked if I needed a pain pill, I said “NO it’s not that kind of pain” because I knew that it was an attack. I knew when I finished touching her the pain would be gone. I finally got as far as I could and I saw flashes of the back of Jesus’s bloody head with the thorn crown. I slowly watched and touched her head deeply, it wasn’t her head anymore. I turn and dropped over my sink exhausted, knowing what just happened.

My theory is the evil spirit that resides in her doesn’t like me anymore. I pray over her, anointing her, demanding they leave my child alone. I plead for God to pursue her and through my hands, my flesh, I feel like God is touching her. There is a raging war between the good and the evil. I was attacked physically by this evil. I pushed through and continued to talk to God the entire time.

I didn’t know if I could even tell Trace all of that. He was waiting to hear me testify because he saw something was going on and he knew that the pain I was encountering was evil. I went in the bathroom before I told him and got on my knees and cried. I thanked God for whatever that was and showing me Jesus’s bloody head.

I did tell Trace even though it sounds so crazy.. Two months ago I was cursing at God and now I’m writing like a mad woman about evil attacking me. I know how this looks and sounds. It appears my mental illness is progressing in a slightly psychotic direction. Or does it? Is this the will of God that people interpret as psychotic? Do we take medications to silence the voice of God? Maybe what seems like reckless behavior is simply acting on blind faith?

I’m beginning to see that we’re all driven by a force. We have either Holy Spirit or Evil Spirit.. One is the driving force because there isn’t two drivers at the same time. I feel like God filled my tank full of the Holy Spirit and I am the vessel that is transporting me through this journey. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell.

Dear God,

Yesterday you showed me many things. Maybe they have always been here but I wasn’t seeing them because I was lacking your intimacy. I’m excited every step of the way because I don’t know what you will show me next. Your opportunities appear in a split spontaneous moment. Thank you for this passion you have filled me with. Thank you for the opportunity to see with your vision..

You gave me (Chin) the name in my sleep.. I don’t know why, but I did what I felt like I was supposed to do. I reached out to Sydney and told her, then prayed for her. Your message was clear and I see that plain as day. I have faith you will show me the answer why some day but until then I will be secure acting on blind faith.

I love you God. Thank you for my children, Trace, and our French bulldog George. I know George has a aliment and I ask that you show me or Trace the source of that so we can help him.

Sealed With A Amen XX