Tag Archives: Motherhood

Forgiving My Abuser

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Forgiving My Abuser

Dear Eddie,

I’ve never been as stumped for words as beginning this letter. Trust me, there are words I have for you that would be easy to spew all over the sheets of this letter, that is entirely to easy.

In my personal spiritual growth I know that I can’t climb any further up this mountain until my wounds are completely healed. I refuse to live another day with any weakness in the infrastructure of my being. I’ve studied, researched and had plenty therapy over forgiving but it wasn’t until God’s Holy Spirit filled me that I knew what it meant to forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t make the sins you committed any less viscous. It doesn’t lessen the damage you’ve inflicted or soften the edges of the trauma on the innocent children involved and it doesn’t make me any less of a victim of your abuse.

I will no longer let the word “victim” defy me.

“AND WHENEVER YOU STAND PRAYING, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that you Father in heaven may also forgive your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)

I’m going to assume you have no knowledge of what a “soul tie” is.

A soul-tie is a spiritual linkage from one person to another. Demons can travel into this linkage and influence the people involved. The soul ties can be formed by sexual relationships, friendships, family relationships. An example of soul ties is when one person still has feeling for another even though the couple broke-up 10 years ago (in your case it’s chains of anger, shame, guilt, disgust). Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your memory any unholy soul ties that are in your life and speak the soul tie breaking into the atmosphere. Believe that it is done in the name of Jesus Christ.

I Declare aloud!

“I break all unholy ties between me and Eddie in the name of Jesus Christ. I send back to Eddie all parts of him that are in me washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. I return all parts of me in Eddie to me washed in the blood of Jesus. I thank you Jesus that I am free.”

“I break all unholy ties between “Chance, Eve & Grace” and Eddie in the name of Jesus Christ. I send back to Eddie all parts of him that are in “Chance, Eve & Grace” washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. I return all parts of “Chance, Eve & Grace” in Eddie back washed in the blood of Jesus. I thank you Jesus that they are free.”

I rebuke your sins on us Eddie Parrish in the name of Jesus.

I’m fully armored and I raise my almighty sword and cut the ties between Eve, Grace, Chance and myself from your evil spirit. May God have mercy on your soul.

You were born into this world innocent. I don’t believe you are a spawn of Satan but you’ve been cursed from birth. I suggest you repent and spend the rest of your days praying to be delivered from your sins.

The hardest thing I have ever had to do is forgive you. If Jesus can forgive the men who crucified him then I can forgive you.

We are FREE of you..

I’ve prayed for illusions of what they thought was a father to be lifted and they now see God as their holy father. Luckily the girls have Trace as their earthly father and their love is unconditional.

I hope that during the next few years in jail you will have plenty of time to repent and become closer to God. If you don’t have a bible I will send you one. Leo Britt always said not to poke a skunk but as a Christian I am breaking those chains. I ask you not to confuse my forgiveness as an invitation into our lives. I will not have any future contact unless it is to send you requested literature on your salvation and the word of God.

Side note: I’ve addressed the envelope and the stamp package really cracked me up!

Leslie

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Mentos Challenge

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My daughter asked me to buy her Mentos at the store today. It was a good day, mentally speaking. I agreed..

Once we were home I was putting away the groceries and Trace walked in. He said “Your daughter is outside puking and recording it” causally with a slight look of disgust.

I thought “great” the eating disorder is back. I thought things were settling down.

Trace grabbed the box of Frosted Flakes and I was relieved that I picked up a gallon of real milk for those. I normally buy almond but today I was feeling like spoiling the family.

He opens the fridge and there is no milk.. “WHAT” I yelled!

Instantly I thought of my vomiting child in the backyard and my temper spiked. Sure enough I ran out and turned the corner yelling “Where the hell is my milk”? 1st I don’t curse much anymore, period. 2nd you’re probably wondering why I didn’t run screaming if Grace was ok since she was puking, right?

This all happened within a minute.. Grace is known to have rather bizarre behavior so it wasn’t as strange at it sounds.

The second I turned the corner swearing about my milk, I ran smack into a strange man. We live in a nice neighborhood and our back is basically fenced in.

My daughter, with bright green hair, was puking milk all over the sidewalk and this man’s dog was licking it up!

I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.. Not to mention it was a neighbor that I’ve never met. His dog got off the leash and he was chasing it through our yard. His little wife stood at the corner of our fence watching and waved as I glanced over petrified.

Anyway, this was some silly internet challenge from what I understand. I think it was a combination of challenges. Milk, Mentos and Diet Coke!

Lord thank you for that special amount of control you gave me during this motherly challenge. I had to stop anoint myself and pray but I didn’t swear or hurt her. Yes, I walked away with my head between my legs but at the end of the day I have found joy in the story. Thank you LORD Jesus for my daughter Grace and my neighbors who were probably just as mortified as I was. Thank you Lord for the uniqueness of my life and family.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen

A Letter To Boot Camp.. Week 6

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Hey Buddy! WEEK SIX

I hope you had a descent 4th Of July. It sounds like you’re going to have another hard week. It is developing you into the AF man. That’s awesome! I know it seems like a never-ending process and you’re homesick.

Yesterday Trace and I went hiking up to the top of Stone Door. It’s July 4th and the temperature was 78 with not a lick of humidity. Awesome huh.. We’re postponing the wedding until October. We’re going to have a reception (worship/praise) at the church maybe. I’m hoping you can come home. I know you don’t know anything so we will just see if that will work.

Will you get to come home anytime between there and Colorado? You know there is a AFB in Tullahoma here.. We’re thinking about buying a house out that way in the country. Somewhere Grace can have animals and roam the wild. She needs nature! We were out in that area yesterday and God enlightened us on the benefits of that simple life and what being out on a “farm” would do for her. She needs rabbits and maybe a goat. A four-wheeler to ride around the fields. I think this town has a dark curse over the youth here. It’s one of the highest towns in the nation for teen suicide. That’s what our prayer leader said anyway. It makes sense! She can’t grow anymore here in this house and area. I would really like to have a couple of chickens too. lol

I love you so much buddy. I want you to know how proud I am of you. This time you’ve taken to plan your future was the best choice you could have made.

Our Father thank you for the life you trusted me with. Thank you for Mark and giving Chance a good earthy father. Somehow the balance of the of us has created a great son that is firm in his belief. I pray for your hand to be on his back pushing him forward during this last week. I pray in Jesus name that the Holy Spirit is more than abundantly present and he can rest knowing you gave your son for us. This is hard but it is nothing compared to what Jesus went through in order to save our souls. I pray dear Lord that when he feels the pain that you show him a vision of Jesus carrying the cross up to the hilltop. I pray in Jesus name that you place the sound “Because He Lives I Can Face Tomorrow” in his head and he will wake with that. Chance is a grateful child of yours and I pray that you protect him and give him more of the wisdom he has. I love you God, you’re a mighty awesome God.

In Jesus name I pray.. Sealing with a Amen.

I love you Chance. My plane lands Thursday evening. I’M SO EXCITED! I have to change planes in Dallas. I’m not afraid though. I’m not afraid of anything anymore! I have God with me…. SMILE!

Cya Soon!

Mom

A Prayer To My Son At Boot Camp

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Dear Heavenly Father,

As I play this song I see Mary on her knee’s at Jesus’s feet while he hung from the cross. My heart weeps along with her. As a mother, we all must have that unconditional faith in our children. I can only pray that I have the strength and courage of Mary. May God grant me the wisdom to say the right words, sight to believe that a greater day will come and the power to heal them with my motherly love when their hearts are wounded from the enemies vicious attacks. I pray you show me what you want me to do. I believe in your training Lord, I believe you’ve prepared me with your armor. Dear Lord thank you for speaking to me this morning. Thank you for the one rain drop that landed on my cheek. It was a tear from Jesus, you showed me that.
Lord Jesus I thank you for giving me the ability to travel and see my only son as he graduates from the Air force. You provided what was necessary by giving insight on what was truly of importance. I’m honored that I’m blessed..

“Blessed is the womb that bore you and the breasts that nursed you,”

In Gods name I pray and sealed with a amen +++

I’m Wearing The Armor Of God

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Since the Holy Spirit filled me I have experienced strong attacks from #13 & 15 daughters. The source is clear now. I know that girls wouldn’t intentionally attack me. Yesterday, I laid in the yard and I told God I completely surrender to him. I am going to live entirely on faith and whatever it is he wants me to do, I will do.

I was attacked by #13 with her verbal arrows of guilt and hostility. Something possessed me to hold my arms up in a circle with my fingertips touching to form a shield. I said “I’m wearing the armor of God and I deflect your arrows from the evil spirit”. I seriously have no idea where those words came from. It worked though, she left me alone and I didn’t lose my temper or fight back like the old Leslie would have.

I was really tired and ‘T and I went to our bedroom around 8:00. I knew #15 was wanting me to color her hair but she disappeared all day. I told ‘T she was going to show up wanting her hair done now that I’m going to bed. Sure enough she slithered in and sat at the foot of our bed. She had a snide look on her face and apparently had slept all day. First thing she said was “Why haven’t I colored her hair yet” without a pause or breath she continued her verbal attack. Once again I put up my shield and said the same words “I’m wearing the armor of God and I deflect your arrows from the evil spirit”She tried several times to penetrate me after but I held my shield tight. She finally walked out..

About 10 minutes later she comes back with a different demeanor but it was still in her. Normally, I would be mad and refuse to do it but when she asked again I calmly agreed. As I was getting everything ready I burned a piece of sage to hopefully cleanse the negative energy out. I put on music from church.

I’m finding myself in constant conversation with God. Everything is clear and I know that I will be alright as long as I trust God.

I started applying the color to her hair, it’s a deep red violet color. She started casting out her evil arrows. I stopped and opened the bathroom door because I was getting physically agitated. I couldn’t be pinned in there with it. I stated that she needed to not speak to me. A few minutes passed and I told her that in the nicest way that you have to think about the way your treat the people who you’re seeking customer service from, you don’t want your food spit in.

This is when the attack started to become very real.. I started to get this crushing pain when I lifted my arms to touch her head. The pain was like a wave as it faded when I bent over taking my hands off of her. It’s hard to explain, not muscles and not like stabbing pain. It was a curling uncomfortable feeling. T asked if I needed a pain pill, I said “NO it’s not that kind of pain” because I knew that it was an attack. I knew when I finished touching her the pain would be gone. I finally got as far as I could and I saw flashes of the back of Jesus’s bloody head with the thorn crown. I slowly watched and touched her head deeply, it wasn’t her head anymore. I turn and dropped over my sink exhausted, knowing what just happened.

My theory is the evil spirit that resides in her doesn’t like me anymore. I pray over her, anointing her, demanding they leave my child alone. I plead for God to pursue her and through my hands, my flesh, I feel like God is touching her. There is a raging war between the good and the evil. I was attacked physically by this evil. I pushed through and continued to talk to God the entire time.

I didn’t know if I could even tell Trace all of that. He was waiting to hear me testify because he saw something was going on and he knew that the pain I was encountering was evil. I went in the bathroom before I told him and got on my knees and cried. I thanked God for whatever that was and showing me Jesus’s bloody head.

I did tell Trace even though it sounds so crazy.. Two months ago I was cursing at God and now I’m writing like a mad woman about evil attacking me. I know how this looks and sounds. It appears my mental illness is progressing in a slightly psychotic direction. Or does it? Is this the will of God that people interpret as psychotic? Do we take medications to silence the voice of God? Maybe what seems like reckless behavior is simply acting on blind faith?

I’m beginning to see that we’re all driven by a force. We have either Holy Spirit or Evil Spirit.. One is the driving force because there isn’t two drivers at the same time. I feel like God filled my tank full of the Holy Spirit and I am the vessel that is transporting me through this journey. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell. An evil filled tank will only take us to hell.

Dear God,

Yesterday you showed me many things. Maybe they have always been here but I wasn’t seeing them because I was lacking your intimacy. I’m excited every step of the way because I don’t know what you will show me next. Your opportunities appear in a split spontaneous moment. Thank you for this passion you have filled me with. Thank you for the opportunity to see with your vision..

You gave me (Chin) the name in my sleep.. I don’t know why, but I did what I felt like I was supposed to do. I reached out to Sydney and told her, then prayed for her. Your message was clear and I see that plain as day. I have faith you will show me the answer why some day but until then I will be secure acting on blind faith.

I love you God. Thank you for my children, Trace, and our French bulldog George. I know George has a aliment and I ask that you show me or Trace the source of that so we can help him.

Sealed With A Amen XX