Category Archives: love

Playing Bongos With God

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Playing Bongos With God

Today was Wednesday Prayer Group. Any day spent with my prayer group is noteworthy but today was special. Special in a way that I just realized..

Cameron spoke a prayer out and said God is telling him to let us know we can ask for something we’ve held back on. Something that is more a want or gift and not our normal obedience. I smiled because I knew what I asked for once before. Although I knew he heard me I decided to take advantage of the moment again. I asked to sing. Sing majestically! I promised if I had a voice I would sing to him every chance.

I didn’t even think about how shallow it was.. I am asking my Father, creator to change something he made.. Wow!

After a long day and a night full of praise and worship, I came home tired. I kept hearing him say to take a shower.. “But I don’t want a shower” I said to God. Suddenly, I was convicted with being disobedient. That’s how God works. It’s like you’re in a conversation with yourself but you know that those aren’t your thoughts and your ideas..

I smiled so big again.. Yes Papa, you want to talk to me.

I got in the shower with my worship on. I waited and tried to see if I could sing. I know this is why he called me, right! I sang.. Nothing, a matter of fact I was probably more off-key than ever. I can play my imaginary bongos perfectly for him. I dropped to my knees and raised my hands up. I began to tap the water following down at me to the beat.. Yes! God spoke softly to me. He said “I made you perfectly and I love how you sing to me. I want you to understand that and just because you don’t wake up with a new voice doesn’t mean that I didn’t hear your petition. I will give you a stronger confidence in your voice.”

As these words were spoken to me ever so gently I felt ever tap on my imaginary bongos was tapping his hands. It was beautiful….

He took my hands and brought them together like in a prayer position. When I did this in the stream of the water it was the center of the shower head and there was no water. The water poured around the outside. He said “See that when you have your hands closed they are safe from the storm, now open your hands to my storm and receive all of my shelter”.

When I was obedient to God he gave me so much intimacy. He played bongos with me, he told me I was perfect the way he made me and he showed me how opening my hands will allow me to receive his love.

Thank you Lord Jesus, Papa

You ARE an awesome God and creator and I love you so much.

I surrender and seal this with an Autumn Amen..

Open Heart, Open Mind

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A few days before Mothers day I was walking out of my bedroom and glanced over to the dresser. Dr.Wayne Dyer’s book “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life” was sitting out. I stopped and backed up. Something pulled me back. I picked it up, opened it to a paragraph and read theses words “Keep a open heart”. Sounds simple right..

I grabbed the post it notes off the desk and walked into my bathroom. I wrote ” I am going to keep a open heart and open mind. I commit to going to church Sunday”. I did just that..

Sunday, Mothers Day 2014 we went to the 11:00 service. I was able to bribe #15 into going which was nice. During the service he spoke on many things. The word transgender was even used. Wow.. the moment when you think the pastor knows your deep pain. How? Impossible! During the service I closed my eyes and I felt my eyes roll back in a flutter. I felt this flood enter through my head and fill my chest. I had been only a seven day fast.. I was depleted, conquered, weak BUT I walked in there with a open heart and open mind.

God filled me with his spirit. It’s that simple…

I’m ashamed of my prior writings. I thought of deleting them but something tells me to keep them. Currently, I can’t curse, I can’t drink and I can’t even loose my temper. The man’ and me have joined a spiritual warfare group and a life group. I have so much to write about that has changed me in the last few weeks.  Everything is making sense to me and I feel comforted.

Dear God,

I have felt so unworthy of you. You gave me back my worth. When my days were spinning out of control, you grounded me. When Satan uses his tools of guilt and sin, you have given me armor and wisdom. My tears have become sweet weeping of faith and hope, no longer from the pain. I thank you God, my father, for every breath, I’m honored to fill my chest with your spirit. You’ve replaced my violent flashbacks with images of Jesus nailed to the cross. I wake everyday for weeks with your glorious music in my mind. My feet touch the ground an I thank YOU GOD. I feel your electricity that makes my hands tremble, I feel you and I know you have blessed me. I will not disappoint you dear Lord. I keep seeing flashes of myself cradled in the cusp of your hands surrounded by glorious warm light. These flashes are swift but clear, I know where your are. You’re the song in my wind chimes, you’re the spirit that bridges T’s soul and mine, you’re the smile when I think of my children. You’re my father!

Sealed with a Amen XX