A few days before Mothers day I was walking out of my bedroom and glanced over to the dresser. Dr.Wayne Dyer’s book “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life” was sitting out. I stopped and backed up. Something pulled me back. I picked it up, opened it to a paragraph and read theses words “Keep a open heart”. Sounds simple right..
I grabbed the post it notes off the desk and walked into my bathroom. I wrote ” I am going to keep a open heart and open mind. I commit to going to church Sunday”. I did just that..
Sunday, Mothers Day 2014 we went to the 11:00 service. I was able to bribe #15 into going which was nice. During the service he spoke on many things. The word transgender was even used. Wow.. the moment when you think the pastor knows your deep pain. How? Impossible! During the service I closed my eyes and I felt my eyes roll back in a flutter. I felt this flood enter through my head and fill my chest. I had been only a seven day fast.. I was depleted, conquered, weak BUT I walked in there with a open heart and open mind.
God filled me with his spirit. It’s that simple…
I’m ashamed of my prior writings. I thought of deleting them but something tells me to keep them. Currently, I can’t curse, I can’t drink and I can’t even loose my temper. The man’ and me have joined a spiritual warfare group and a life group. I have so much to write about that has changed me in the last few weeks. Everything is making sense to me and I feel comforted.
I have felt so unworthy of you. You gave me back my worth. When my days were spinning out of control, you grounded me. When Satan uses his tools of guilt and sin, you have given me armor and wisdom. My tears have become sweet weeping of faith and hope, no longer from the pain. I thank you God, my father, for every breath, I’m honored to fill my chest with your spirit. You’ve replaced my violent flashbacks with images of Jesus nailed to the cross. I wake everyday for weeks with your glorious music in my mind. My feet touch the ground an I thank YOU GOD. I feel your electricity that makes my hands tremble, I feel you and I know you have blessed me. I will not disappoint you dear Lord. I keep seeing flashes of myself cradled in the cusp of your hands surrounded by glorious warm light. These flashes are swift but clear, I know where your are. You’re the song in my wind chimes, you’re the spirit that bridges T’s soul and mine, you’re the smile when I think of my children. You’re my father!
Sealed with a Amen XX